Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
