You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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