If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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