He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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