How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
