you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
