If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
