i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
