Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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