Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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