wakey wakey hands off snakey
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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