That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
