If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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