"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
