i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
They should really pass out barf bags in church
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
