I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
