no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
