absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
