He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
