woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
