I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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