did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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