she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
