It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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