Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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