if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
