The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
