he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
