end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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