Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
