I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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