Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
