I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
