Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
