Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
