Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
