he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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