i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
