I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
