he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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