I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
