FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
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