i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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