seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize