My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
