Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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