When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Found your dick twin last night
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
