I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
