while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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