I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize