Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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