She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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