I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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