Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
