How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm at about main and main street
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
