You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
