Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i drank out of a bidet.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize