There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
