last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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