you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
