If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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