It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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