What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
