just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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