I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How does one acquire holy water?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
there is glitter all over my balls
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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