toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
