When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
