he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
