I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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