how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
