Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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