it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
