The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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