Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
