Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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