i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
