How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
