How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize