just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
