the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
