I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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