The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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