My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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