my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
