What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
