I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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