Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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