i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
