It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
