I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
