She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
