guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
