pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
