drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need to align my fucking chakras
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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