Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize