Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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