just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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