I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
