Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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