smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
