i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
